Post by Nicholas Filler
Have you ever been so stressed that you lash out at others? Has stress seemed to take over your life and personality?
Ovid once said “Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop”.
This quote should have been my mantra while attempting to get into graduate school because during this time, it felt like stress was dominating every aspect of my life.
Ovid once said “Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop”.
This quote should have been my mantra while attempting to get into graduate school because during this time, it felt like stress was dominating every aspect of my life.
This past year I have been attempting to further my education and get into a master’s program, but it has been far from easy.
I knew from the start that obtaining this type of degree was going to test not only my entire undergraduate experience, but my determination and patience.
I understood that applying to various schools is a very nerve wracking experience, yet I was unaware of how my stress was going to affect my personal life and those close to me.
I knew from the start that obtaining this type of degree was going to test not only my entire undergraduate experience, but my determination and patience.
I understood that applying to various schools is a very nerve wracking experience, yet I was unaware of how my stress was going to affect my personal life and those close to me.
During this process I noticed that my mood was always in complete fluctuation. Either I was happy in regards to the thoughts of moving forward in life, or on the other end of the spectrum, I was distraught and irritable in regards to not knowing if I had a viable future.
My friends and family seemed to be trying to distant themselves from asking about how my progress was going, and eventually nobody dared to bring it up. Essentially I was destroying myself internally in regards to this “goal” I was trying to achieve.
My friends and family seemed to be trying to distant themselves from asking about how my progress was going, and eventually nobody dared to bring it up. Essentially I was destroying myself internally in regards to this “goal” I was trying to achieve.
In fact I wasn’t aware of how stressed and irritable I had become until my right upper body was covered in Shingles.
This is essentially the chicken pox round two, but is caused by large amounts of stress, or a weak immune system. In regards to Shingles the Mayo Clinic has a great description for the causality “The reason for the encore is unclear.
But it may be due to lowered immunity to infections as you grow older. Shingles is more common in older adults and in people who have weak immune systems.”
But it may be due to lowered immunity to infections as you grow older. Shingles is more common in older adults and in people who have weak immune systems.”
For me, getting Shingles was when it became clear that I was so stressed that I was essentially destroying my body from within.
The worst part about this ordeal was the bridges that I was burning with friends and family. My mother was one person in particular that could tell that I was very unhappy, and sadly was susceptible to many of my abrupt outbursts during this time.
I would tend to lash out at her when she was trying to reach out or help in regards to this struggle. My friends almost completely stopped asking about how my progress was going, or if I had heard anything back from the universities.
Even my little sister was on the tail end of a verbal lashings. I was completely out of control, and I had no idea how to get better.
I thought that if I got into school that it would all go away, and yet I still am unsure that if I would have gotten into graduate school that my stress would have actually subsided.
I would tend to lash out at her when she was trying to reach out or help in regards to this struggle. My friends almost completely stopped asking about how my progress was going, or if I had heard anything back from the universities.
Even my little sister was on the tail end of a verbal lashings. I was completely out of control, and I had no idea how to get better.
I thought that if I got into school that it would all go away, and yet I still am unsure that if I would have gotten into graduate school that my stress would have actually subsided.
A couple months ago I found out that I did not get into any of the schools I had applied to. A part of me was distraught and upset, yet there was another part that felt a huge sigh of relief.
I knew that this false dichotomy that I had created for myself was finally gone.
There is an interesting section within a research study done by Jack Aiello from Rutgers University that states “Participants who had the ability to anticipate interruptions reported the same degree of stress as those who could not anticipate interruptions.”
At that time, this statement couldn't have been more true, considering the fact that I couldn’t anticipate getting accepted or getting denied, but after learning that I had been rejected something changed.
I no longer needed to care about where I was going in terms of my education. One thing I have always loved was learning about new things and concepts that I was unfamiliar with.
I thought that this was going to end if I wasn’t able to get into graduate school. Thankfully this was not the case.
I knew that this false dichotomy that I had created for myself was finally gone.
There is an interesting section within a research study done by Jack Aiello from Rutgers University that states “Participants who had the ability to anticipate interruptions reported the same degree of stress as those who could not anticipate interruptions.”
At that time, this statement couldn't have been more true, considering the fact that I couldn’t anticipate getting accepted or getting denied, but after learning that I had been rejected something changed.
I no longer needed to care about where I was going in terms of my education. One thing I have always loved was learning about new things and concepts that I was unfamiliar with.
I thought that this was going to end if I wasn’t able to get into graduate school. Thankfully this was not the case.
While still trying to cope with my stress after learning that I did not get accepted, I started diving into one of my long time passions, technology.
I quickly learned that knowledge is something that you can pursue on your own at your own leisure.
As my stress began to fade and I began to really enjoy a once forgotten passion, I had time to reflect on the last few months.
I realized that I needed to reach out to those that I had hurt during this time. Most friends and family understood that I was dealing with a very difficult time in my life, and thankfully I am still very close with most of my previous acquaintances.
There are those that I pushed too far, and I don't think the friendship I had with these people will ever truly mend.
Hopefully in the future the friendships I once had will return to normal, but at the moment all I can do is pray.
As my stress began to fade and I began to really enjoy a once forgotten passion, I had time to reflect on the last few months.
I realized that I needed to reach out to those that I had hurt during this time. Most friends and family understood that I was dealing with a very difficult time in my life, and thankfully I am still very close with most of my previous acquaintances.
There are those that I pushed too far, and I don't think the friendship I had with these people will ever truly mend.
Hopefully in the future the friendships I once had will return to normal, but at the moment all I can do is pray.
Hopefully you will look at my situation and realize that no matter how stressed you get that there is always an upside.
No matter how horrible the circumstances might be, there is always something positive to be learned.
No matter how horrible the circumstances might be, there is always something positive to be learned.
Take time out of your day to look at something uplifting, or read about something that makes you happy.
There is a great article titled “The Mysterious Cleaner” that is a great example of an inspirational article to read if you are feeling stressed.
In the future just remember to take a step back, breathe, and realize that everything will work itself out. You just need to have faith in yourself.
There is a great article titled “The Mysterious Cleaner” that is a great example of an inspirational article to read if you are feeling stressed.
In the future just remember to take a step back, breathe, and realize that everything will work itself out. You just need to have faith in yourself.
About the Author:
Nicholas Filler lives in Idaho, and has an interest in technology, education, and medicine. He studied English with an emphasis in writing at Boise State University. Currently working on game theory and design. He enjoys spending his days outside, skiing during the winter, and learning about engineering concepts.
Nicholas Filler lives in Idaho, and has an interest in technology, education, and medicine. He studied English with an emphasis in writing at Boise State University. Currently working on game theory and design. He enjoys spending his days outside, skiing during the winter, and learning about engineering concepts.
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