Monday 29 April 2013

My single story: Breaking the limits

Story by Perfectdamex

If you don't know what this project is about, please read Introduction to my single story project (MSSP)
chimamanda Adichie, dangers of a single story, ted talk

"It was in the afternoon", "no, it was in the morning", "that's not true, it was in the evening". That was the argument that ensued between my mother, father , and sister when i asked a 
simple question. 
I was there trying to figure out which of the stories to accept as they could not come to a consensus on my time of birth.

Yes they could tell me where it happened; the reactions of the people in the hospital and even those who witnessed my birth.
In order to prevent any further arguments between these adults, i told them to put an end to the discussion and i left to ponder on why i asked such a question.

Although, it was about me as i was the main character of the story but i could not give my own side of it because even though i was the main character, i did not know anything that happened on that day.

They said i cried(obviously). They said everyone was happy(why wouldn't they). They said the nurses were all around me because of my beauty(celebrity from birth) but in all these, i can't say anything.

These remains a single part of my birth because I'm sure there are a lot of pieces i need to put together, but really how do i come about these when i don't even know the main story.

Even after my birth, just when i was beginning to understand what the world looks like, i began to hear different stories yet again.
I was made to believe and do so many things because everyone felt that was the right thing to do; i was made to go to church, school, stay home sometimes, and even sleep without anyone asking  what i wanted to do.

I was told who to walk with or to be friends with, who to greet and not to greet, where to go and so on.
All these i was made to accept just because everyone had an impression about these things.
Here i am asking questions on why most of these things are the way they are.
I accepted all i was been told because i know i could not go against them due to the consequences(probably trashing).

 My existence was defined by all these stories i was made to believe or rules that were generated as a result of these stories.
i grew to become more inquisitive maybe because of my level of reasoning or because that was how i was made to be.
Then i decided to question all of the things i was made to do or believe.

It all started when my parents enforced all their all their decisions on me. I was able to put up with their influences for the most part of my life until i got to the marital age.

Now, i knew i had to change a lot of things about their decisions and influences.

It all started when they bluntly refused my union with my Yoruba lover because we were igbos. they were of the opinion that all Yoruba man were flirts and cannot love me the way someone from my tribe will.
This shocked me because most of my male friends are Yoruba and i can only wonder how contradicting my parents opinion were.

I almost took to their opinion because these was something i have always done all my life.  I started searching for the good in my Igbo male friends now that i knew that was the only option when it comes to my parents.
These continued for a long time and delayed me longer than expected as i knew i was fully prepared to start my own home.
Everything began to look bleak, and people started asking questions on why i won't leave my parent's house(typical Nigerians). 
My story changed when i met this cute and loving guy named kola. Yes, obviously a Yoruba guy and he was all i wanted in  a man.He was indeed my knight in shinning armor. 

Contrary to my parents views, this guy was adorable and loving that i did not have any other choice but to dump the story my parents gave me and look at the blessed future with this guy.
To my parents, this was the most stupid step any of their children would ever take. They only wanted me to hold on to that side of the story they knew.

They did not see any good in him, but i could not let him go because now i could see differently.
My parents threatened me (in the name of love) and even predicted what they called "my future with him"

They told me without missing words that if i end up settling with him, the union was going to not going to stand the test of time because he was going to leave me for someone else or even marry another woman because that was the *trend with people from that tribe.
I disregarded my parents stories and we were eventually joined together as they did not have a choice when they saw my mind was made up.

They could not phantom what i discovered that made me so adamant. It even pushed them to think i was under a spell.

In all of these, i remained calm, focusing on that bright future is see with my husband and each time my parents come up with  the view that i was under a spell, i look back and smile telling them to their faces that i was not under a spell but only made my choice having dug deep into the story and put the pieces together.

It's not that my parents were totally wrong but they judged kola based on the single act of another Yoruba man. 

They bought into the single story of a Yoruba man.

"Never judge an entire race by just the single act of one man from that race"
End of my story. ....... drop your comments.

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If you have a single story, don't hesitate to send me a mail. Ologunduduabraham at gmail dot com

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Anonymous said...

This is a problem in Nigerian. A typical single story of a nigerian.

Abraham Ologundudu said... are right. But i think it's not Limited to Nigerians only. It's everywhere. Parents can deny their children because of social class, Religion, e.t.c.

Unknown said...

Yeah,it's a universal plague....those who have been subjected to discrimination because of a single side story will easily understand, and it great that some people are standing up for a change..

Geepawps said...

Well written story. The truth whether you are Igbo, Hausa or Yoruba it doesn't make any difference. Human will do anything they want to do because it a personal opinion and not race, I can't imagine myself as a Yoruba guy being promiscuous because it just won't happen.
Parents will always act this way because they want the best for us, and I am prepared to allow my kids make more than 80% of their life decisions.
This is wonderful story, and thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

@oluwayomi you are so right, our parents do some of those things because they want the best for us but really sometimes it turns out to be the other way round. This thing you looking at here in few words have destroyed many people just wait till you hear their own story..

Abraham Ologundudu said...

Making a change is what i stand for. thank you seyi

Abraham Ologundudu said...

It's true they want the best but sometimes they are clouded with only their decisions. Thank you for the comment.

Abraham Ologundudu said...

Destroy would be an understatement