Tuesday 7 May 2013

My single story: Anti choleric (2)

The single story project is still going on. The project is meant to create awareness about "single stories, prejudice and segregation."  The truth remains that everyone is involved.

When you see a boy living in the hood  and you just conclude that he's doing drugs. You never consider that the boy is an orphan and he lost his parents to an accident.

For more information on how to participate in this project, read the Introduction to my single story project (MSSP).

Single stories of people, Chimamanda Adichie, dangers of a single story

Interlude: The revelation

The whole story changed when I got into the University more than a year ago. I met two persons.  Due to some reasons, I'll give them pen names*

These persons are females and they are choleric; Their names are Ruby and Pearl.
I’m not really close to pearl but my first impression was as usual. Taking a close look at her made me realise she was a matured choleric. I saw a different version of my dad. It was as if she had no fault at all. Ruby is the direct opposite of pearl

I asked myself if pearl is the first choleric I've seen that behaves reasonably or I’ve been so blinded with the story I told myself that I barely notice them. Just as I thought, afterwards I began seeing a lot of them. Now I had two sides of the choleric.

Pearl is calm, though she has her jumpy moments. She’s attentive. At first sight she might appear arrogant but she’s not. She’s bold not only in words but also in conduct. Her charisma can sweep one of his feet.
Enough said. In all, she appeared to be the choleric i never knew.

Myself vs. Ruby  

I’m more close to ruby than pearl. We do lot of things together. I don’t know how we became friends. I can’t still explain it (but I guess physics law is applicable here).
She’s the exact replica of what I thought my dad was: Insensitive, loud, Garrulous, intolerant, ever wanting to please herself and never considering others.
But along the line I realised there is more to the choleric than meets the eye.

At the early stage of our friendship I always try to make her behave like what I think is the best for her. Most times in turns into a quarrel. I was so blinded with how bad I think she was without looking at the other side that made her “Ruby”

I would always make a comment about any action she takes. I would always say “can’t you go anywhere without creating any dramatic entry?”

There is a lot that knowledge can do. I had Tim lahaye’s book “Why you act the way you do” but I never read it. I became inquisitive about peoples character After reading some pages. I began to see differently. I was mind blown. I understood my temperament (Phlegmatic) and others (Sanguine, Melancholic, choleric).

Half knowledge kills. I thought I knew it. I had the book all along but never made an attempt to read it.
I realized that the first step in creating a good relationship with people is to understand them.

I stopped seeing her as the faulty, naughty friend and began to appreciate her personality.
I accepted her for who she is. I stopped complaining.

“The single story is not limited to race, religion, e.t.c but it also involves personal character” 

Balance of stories: Positive choleric

The choleric can have strong influence on anybody she comes across with. The choleric are good leaders if well nurtured. The choleric is very constructive and bold. I tell you, the choleric always know how to get what they want. she is courageous.

My first impression about Ruby and Pearl didn't make them choleric because i neglected the other side of the story. They had become some character i created in my subconscious. I only saw ruby as being faulty. I only saw pearl as the matured choleric.

There is no such thing as matured choleric. It’s all about the mind.
Whether negative (Ruby) or positive (pearl), all I had in my head were single stories of two distinct persons.

I had split their personality. They were incomplete fragments.
Just because two people have the same temperament doesn’t make them the same. Everyone is unique.
All you need do is see the uniqueness, understand it.

“First impressions count. but it should always be examined”

Last words 

Your perception about a person character depends on how much knowledge you have about the person.
If you have little or no knowledge it becomes a single story. It's wrong to use the character one person to judge another. I never understood my dad and it caused lot of trouble for me.

The major reason why we create single stories based on people’s character is because we do not understand them.

“Having full knowledge about a person personality saves you from creating single stories about them”

If you have a single story, don't hesitate to send  a mail to Ologunduduabraham at gmail dot com. It's only your story that can make this project continue.

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